Closure...

There comes a point in your life when you realize
who matters,
who never did,
who won't anymore...
and who always will.

So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Don't know who that quote is from but anyways...This is now all I have to say about closure. I've tried, looked for it only to end up with more heartache.

Was I looking for closure when I messaged back Lionel after he answered one of my forwards? Mind you, the boy sent me some forwards in the past but when I do, he answers?? Wtf?? Anyhow...first time he replied, I ignored, I wasn't going to go through the motions again. Second time around he writes: "And no congratulations on my wedding?"

About a week later I answer: "Ah, well, Congrats." Thought he'd get the message but he comes back with: "Good enough!" and then proceed to write about where he's at (Toronto) and his life and his fiance (mind you he's not married yet...still some hope for her.) Lol, anyhow he talks his non sense and says his future wife is Muslim.

I finally take time to write a big message to say what's going on with me, avoiding of course, meeting Hank etc. I definitely don't need advice or anything else he would've come up with. I told him about finding a great job and quitting the crappy one I had now, about nothing really but it looked like a lot. Lol, and I asked him if he was fully Muslim since he was reading the Koran when we were done.

His answer was rich and reminded me why I stopped talking to him in the first place. From him saying he was now fully Muslim and it wasn't so hard to convert because he was already a very good person at heart (yeah...huh, whatever) to saying he couldn't do anything before being married. And that it was probably easy because I wasn't there to tempt him.

Oh, I was mad...I wasn't going to answer. But I did...Why? Here it goes...

On December 25th, I received the greatest present I could have ever asked for...Hank told me he loved me...I almost cried. He held my hands, looked me in the eyes and said: "Caroline, I love you..."

I've had guys telling me they loved me before, I thought it would last forever. I've loved in the past and even thought the same. But no one had EVER done it like that. So simply and with such sincerity.

I wanted to tell him I loved him. I definitely felt it. But it didn't feel quite right...yet.

I got home and slept. When I woke up, I knew what I wanted...I wanted a life with Hank. I wanted to take a chance on what to me, finally appeared to be true love. I know it seems all too quickly but it's just sooo right. I know why I love him and that's a HUGE change for me.

He knows what he wants, he's mature, he treats me with the uttermost respect, he makes me feel special, he's intelligent, funny, cute, well mannered, you name it. I'd clone him for you single ladies out there but I think I'd wanna keep the clones for me too! ;)

So back to me waking up...I turned on my computer. I hesitated between not answering at all to Lionel or give him some sort of explanation he wouldn't get anyways and I chose the latter.

So I wrote to him that it was better he never wrote to me ever again. That I was happy and didn't need him in my life. That his thinking we were too alike to be happy couldn't be more wrong because for everything that matter we couldn't be further opposites.

I also told him somehow we seemed to bring out the ugliness in the other and that it was best this way but that the main reason I wanted to stop talking to him he could find it at the end of his message.

I added that he didn't respect me and never had and that I was happy he'd found his virgin to marry and maybe he'd treat her right since that's what he'd been waiting for. I then erased any message I had from him or sent to him and deleted his contact address.

I read his reply quickly when it arrived of him complaining that I sure didn't want him to be happy for long hearing from me. How he respected me and if he'd done anything to make me think otherwise, I should have told him. As if I hadn't. What was I suppose to do with a man that wouldn't even respect my "no"?

I did the same for Dylan. And I thought it'd be hard for Dylan...After 7 years, I still wasn't sure if I could move on. But I did, and it felt normal. I sent him a message to wish him all the best above all, love. Told him we had nothing to tell each other anymore and he seemed to have realized that sooner than I did since anyways, I hadn't heard from him since his "invitation".

And that was it! I was sending a card to Hank telling him I loved him...

Now that is closure to me...It doesn't come from anyone else then you. When you learn to let go. Surprisingly, I don't even miss Dylan, I'm too happy. I've finally found a man that knows how to love me. :)

And I'm happy...