Trapped...

Boy oh, boy...Last Saturday was something else. Blew me right out of my element. For a while there I was wondering what I had in mind. Haha, I'm keeping the best for last, like what this title means...Anyways, there was a long awaited party to celebrate Obama's victory although we're Canadian, it's a brother so it was a must.

I'm not even sure where to start. There definitely was some drinking involved...Well a LOT of drinking, I left my car at Kelly's (no drunk driving, it's bad!!!) Anyhow, I invited Tracey (aka the skank) by accident(long story but to make it short, I wanted to save Kelly the drama) plus Tracey had told Kelly she was sick. :(

Pamela told me she wouldn't come Lana canceled last minute...Kim, lol, who had other plans that got canceled and told me she wouldn't come ended up coming. Wow, I had fun!!! A great inspiring toast was made...I don't really remember it word by word but it was a good one.

So, this is almost over, lol, I'm done rambling...one drink and I was...pretty tipsy I'd say. Then second drink; ouf! I LOVE Smirnoff Cosmopolitan's! Anyways, I've been much more drunk in my life but that was something still. Hank was frustrating me. Talking to me for a minute, then leaving, then talking to another girl. Then all of a sudden, back. Grrr...!

Later on in the night, pretty much when I'm giving up and decide to just poor myself another drink and forget about the boy; he enters the kitchen. And what an entrance!!! The kitchen is pretty small and it's just one way in and out really and not many people can stand inside really, I'd say you have less than a meter in between both counters. So he gets in and I'm kinda making a move to get out when I realize he's walking right "into" me. Of course, I do like anyone would do, I back up...until I hit the back wall.

Now anyone who knows me well knows I'm a control freak among other things. That was not very good (ok, it was kinda hot but with me...) So Kim who knows me pretty well came in but right before that, Hank had started talking and touching my waist. Normally I would've told him to stop but hmmm...I'll explain what happened later only figured it out today. Well all this to say that by the time Kim came in, lol, I didn't mind anymore.

To get back to Hank, he's saying he's drunk and he wants to see me drunk as well because I seem to have this line of conduct and it seems like no one or nothing will make me cross it. So I was trying to get him to understand I was already drunk and that I'd been drunk in the past that I wasn't that bad although I do know I'm a control freak.

Hihi, I'm skipping details. First thing I thought of when I woke up on Sunday" was: "Oh crap, I did have sex with Hank...and we got caught by this girl who wanted him (check Uneventful Night post for details).

Kelly doesn't get it. Probably because we're very different. She's very promiscuous and I'm not. I LOVE sex but not with just anybody. The person I have sex with is much more important to me than having sex. So I had to find out what happened with Hank.

Only once before, years ago, had a boy been able to make me do something almost crazy. I knew he was a player and yet I couldn't help myself...Malik...his name meant King in Arabic apparently. Told me the first night we met. Brought me all the way to a sleazy motel where we fooled around. And we saw each other some more. Until the day I freaked because I realized the effect he had over me and thought he said he loved me. We still talk now every once in a while and I remember telling him there was just something about him that I couldn't help myself.

Sunday night, I saw Hank again; we didn't talk much (again). Awkward hihi, Kelly was watching porn with the boys. Anyways, pretty much when we're about to leave Hank says I'm not going anywhere and tells Kelly he's kidnapping me. Lol, he holds me from behind and pretends he won't let me go. Lol, I actually liked that...

Kelly's boyfriend was on his way to her place so I couldn't have much private time with Hank. Skipping details, we didn't actually have sex but did fool around, I wasn't expecting anything to happen at all, weird. Wow, I'm bad. Can't even believe I'm writing it. May it serves me to remember just in case I later regret.

Well, the why...

I'm a control freak and that's okay it's part of my many insanities and I deal with them fine enough. I read something on google while doing a research on control freaks because I had to get to the bottom of it. Turns out, it's nothing much...it's all in the way you handle the person. I'm some sort of a type 1 mixed with a bit of type 2, here is the link to the article.

So if you look on how to deal with a control freak, the answer is right there. It really is all Hank and Malik ever had in common. I'm not that bad but I do freak out a lot and if someone stands too close especially a guy, I'm in panic mode and out of my comfort zone. Kelly was saying he took me out of it but that's not exactly what happened. It's like he momentarily changed it. He became my comfort zone; meaning I could trust him and didn't feel scared with him around.

To me, of course, this rings: "Outcome not so good" but I may be wrong...I think that of every guy anyways. ;) I have to point out especially how the sex was good. Ouf, never been that good since Malik actually. Because I could totally let go with him too? Anyways, after Kevin, that was pretty good. :)

So I've had Kevin who was mixed and now Hank who's black. Will I be able to prove if it's right or wrong that saying that says: "Once you go black, you never go back?". Well, if that's true, a huge goodbye to Dylan! LOL

Super Happy!!!

Oh wow! Too much is going on in my life and I should be in bed, I work tomorrow! I have a new job!!! An amazing one too. My second week already. To make it simple it's one of the four majors in the world in it's field.

Office work was made for me. I'm a quick learner and I feel more than at ease there. It's like where I was always meant to be. The pay is great too...Lol, I'm waiting for my first paycheck actually, my bank account is very much in the red... :(

Love life...well, things haven't been going anywhere with Hank, doesn't help he doesn't have a cell anymore...Luckily, party on Saturday. He wants to get me drunk...warned him it's not an easy task. Lol, he said he'd bring a bottle

I'm annoying when I'm drunk. Plus super friendly where as usually people see me as a cold bitch which is just fine with me. But I get really nice when I'm drunk. Actually tell my friends how much I love them, more than once and not quickly. Oh, man...I don't even know what I'll be like around Hank.

One thing's for sure, he'd know I have the hots for him. Not good; lol, I don't need him to know what I'd want to do to him. LOL, yeah, I can be a naughty girl. I'd have to plea innocence after.

Last time I wasn't even drunk and I recorded a line that will stay on tape forever...Lol, at least the band is good. But objectifying women...Oh, what happened to the feminist in me?

On another line of thought, Dylan thought he'd make a comeback. Not so much a very welcome one but an okay one. Just that I'm over him. He's on a business trip (as always) and when I saw him on msn tonight, he asked what I was doing this weekend.

I told him I had a party Saturday night and Sunday I'd be cooking and he said..."Oh, I wanted to see you Saturday night..." Huh...Is it me or "so what?!?" He says that as if he has any rights over me. Even had the nerve to tell me to write him if I changed my mind!

The nerves on that boy. To think this is what attracted me to him in the first place. He was just so cocky...now though it doesn't have the same effect on me. Sounded cheap...self-serving disgusting arrogance.

Anyways, who cares about Dylan? Can't wait to see Hank... :D The consensus was that we'd both drink...did I already mention how I couldn't wait? Thanks Obama, this party is to celebrate your victory.

I'll modify that famous sentence just for us, black people...

"It's a small step for a man but a giant step for black people."

;)