Yikes

I haven't been here in a while. Life is crazy and hectic. I've been living with my boyfriend since july and we've had our shares of ups and downs. Work has been a little hellish but it's getting better.

Is it me or people are quite racist? Almost everyday at work I hear of people who are prejudiced and wow... of course that wouldn't be towards black people, they wouldn't dare but come on, it's mostly arabs, etc. Does that contribute to my feeling of wanting to run the hell out of here? I've seen a couple of posts for "dream jobs". Well, actually "dream company". Some posts will be taken out tomorrow... Dilemma...

So more of me... I've realized a few things regarding relationship after seeing how some of my friends are stuck in a mess. Passionate love, the destructive one... if you don't know about it yet, listen to Eminem's "Love The Way You Lie". I have a friend living it now.

It reminded me of Dylan and me and I realized something. I WILL know when she is done and she will as well. I was over Dylan after I sent him a mature message where I wasn't mad or hurt, mostly just tired and definitely ready to move on. Sure, I had turned him down months before and was already into Hank but I wasn't quite over him then.

I would always turn my back and go back or he'd come back. Passionate love knows no reason, you can't think straight. You know it's wrong and destructive but you keep coming back for more. Been there, done that. What have I learned? Not much but if you are in a relationship where it is on and off but mostly off after a horrible fight and then you run back into each other's arms for some more fighting soon after, well... welcome to passionate love.

It's like a drug you can't escape from, you are always back. No matter how hard you want to walk away, it's like a part of you dies when you're apart. You used to be strong, now you are weak. You used to be proud, no you would beg. Don't know how to help you snap out of it, but I can tell you when you'll be done.

The moment you will step away tired, without a fight, no screaming, just resignation. The moment your heart will be hurting but your mind will tell it: "It's gonna be alright, I love myself more" and you'll believe it. The moment your heart will probably shatter into pieces but your mind will be at ease. Then it'll be over and you can use the next few years to learn and heal.

It may be passionate and intoxicating but if it makes you act crazy and irrational, it's not the right kind of love. It's like any other drug, bad and destructive...