I'm still in love...there was a really rough patch with Malik. Rough and painful. I have learned one thing...someone who loves you very much can become a monster when depression rears it's ugly head in.
He was mean, hurtful with his words. Sure it may not have seen like much to be told that I'm a grown-up to stop acting like a child, that I am not stupid and I should not be weak...
Seems harmless, in a way, right?
Not for me...going through this journey where I'm learning, growing, I found out I'm a "little". A woman-child if one may wonder. He's always been my protector and could easily access this part of me that other men can't.
The other day, a friend mentioned how she's always viewed me as strong and it's though to make me cry except when it comes to Malik...
Maybe it's my fault, I've always had an issue with opening up, always wanted to give the strong vibe. I didn't want to cry, I despised that sensitive part of me that wanted to bring me to tears so often and reminded me of the stereotype of a week woman...
I don't see it as a stigma anymore...did I tell my friend, no...still wondering why. I guess even though I am a submissive some part of me still likes to be seen as the strong one. Only with Malik will I submit but not be "weak", nevertheless.
Now, we got through it, I learned sometimes, I can't be a little with him. I have to be an adult, level with him, be there for him. LISTEN to his cues and be less self-centered. It was a painful learning experience but a necessary one. Was his method the right one? Probably not.
I forgave him as he forgave me and we discussed communication between us again.
Next post is about labels which sometimes however restrictive they can be seen, can provide some understanding.
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