So it's been about 9 years, since I last saw him in the flesh. On my old blog in March 2005, I said he was a "fling definitely not the one". Well, I'll have to take that back, apparently. Since May 20th, we have been a couple. He made a new grand entrance back in March...so how does it happen that I fall in love with an old fling from 9 years ago who lives abroad? Bare with me, will you?
I met Malik on doyoulookgood.com, not sure if the site even exists still but back in the days you could rate someone's appearance from 1-10, send them a message, whatever. Very superficial, very not me, but hey, sometimes you have nothing better to do.
Malik sends me a message. He is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS!!! His message is super simple but refreshing. I think it was along the lines of: "How are you? I was wondering what is the craziest thing you've ever done?" Can't quite remember my answer, it mainly had to do with what I wanted to, such as parachute and bungee jumping. Gave me his number, asked for mine, we hit it off right away!
Talked on the phone over an hour, agreed to a meeting fairly quickly. Hihi, I still remember the day we met. He gave me an appointment at Presse-Cafe downtown on St-Denis. He had a winter hat on his head which he refused to remove, he was soooo hot. He arrived before me and stood when I came in. We were sitted less than 2 minutes when he said: "How about we go to a real place for a drink instead? I know a nice Porto house near by." I said "Sure." and I followed him. I'm starting to wonder if the first appointment was in a well lit place just to insure I wasn't ugly since the lighting at the other place was pretty dimmed. Hihihi
I had a great time, but had my "player alerts" were going crazy. He was too perfect, too sweet, too charming, my guards were falling and I couldn't help myself, I was mesmerized by him. The rest is what was mentioned before.
Now I was far from being naive, I knew he was seeing other women but certainly less when he met me since I occupied a LOT of his time. We saw one another almost everyday for a month before he had to leave about a month and a half later. After I ran away, he tried to see me again, I wouldn't return his calls and when I did, I was "busy" and couldn't see him. I was overall scared, if you ask me today, at the time, I didn't understand. I did not like the hold he had on me.
He asked to see me before going to a business trip. Would last about 2 weeks, I waited last minute to call him back and it was too late. Said we would go for supper when he got back. Well, it took him 9 years to be back. From there, he had to go back to his home country where his dad fell ill. Was supposed to be a matter or a few weeks but then weeks turned to months, months to years and I was already living my life although we remained friends.
Little did I know, when I started to dig deep into myself to start the healing process, I noticed Malik had more importance in my life than I thought, in how he made me feel beautiful as a woman, got me to liberate myself, kills my anxiety just by talking, writing or being near...and little did I realize what my friends knew years ago: I was and still was in love with that man. I think Hank knew it too. It didn't help our relationship when I had Malik around consoling me, being there for me and showing Hank every opportunity he missed. Like the quote says: "NEVER let another man make your woman smile".
Malik makes me smile all the time, we have a special bound since he didn't forget me after all this time and I didn't forget him. I had my doubts about him coming back thinking it may have to do with residency or whatever but when he left, he had his papers and he demonstrated interest numerous times. I was just too blind to see. We've had our ups and downs with distance getting in the way. Too few moments on the phone or with Skype but he'll be here by the end of December if all goes well.
He was the only man who could "tame" me so far. I admire him, I want to be with him and make him happy. I want to be his wife, to be patient and loving, I don't understand how I could want to please someone so much. He was always there for me, even at a distance. When my grandpa died, I texted him and he knew something was wrong. I told him my grandpa died, he called and condoled me for over an hour. Hank told me to call a girlfriend, go home and he'd see me when I was better because he couldn't deal with me crying. Malik was there whenever I was hurt and would listen. Back when we were seeing one another, he was always gentle and sweet. Almost felt like a relationship but he was also a boy with too much money.
And I mean a boy! He had so much to learn, to go through, to grow as a human being. I don't regret, as I never do, running away from him all those years back. He would've broken my heart whether he wanted it or not. He said it himself, he is now a man and wants to settle down. It will be with me whether it's in Canada or wherever if for whatever reason he can't get his visa (long story short, he lost his permanent residency or he would've been here 4 yrs ago). He admitted a few days back that he always knew I was in love with him but didn't with the distance and circumstances, he never made a move. When he first planned to come back 4 yrs ago, I had been rather harsh when I told him I was in a relationship. He hinted he would make a move and I wanted things to be clear. Fast forward to now, can't wait, in love and hoping for the best! :)
That's the first half of Malik and I. I could just change my blog or let it die since I can now be positive I have found love AND sense. This is the love part. I can now be true to myself and I understand my nature because I am not afraid with Malik. There's a lot I need to explain since I discovered something SUPER important about myself that I'm not sure how I could've missed, or maybe, I wasn't ready yet. All part if the next post about "Sense". ;)
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