"Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman"
-Superwoman, Alicia Keys
Now this post is dedicated to two dear friends of mine whose situation and goals in life couldn't be more at opposite from one another but one has read the book I am referring to and sent me the article saying she agreed with the critic and wanting to know what I thought; the other would definitely agree with the critic as well.
So before you continue reading, do your homework
A) Read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" from Steve Harvey
B) Read the article (by Nico Lange) - Think Like a Man Isn't Just Sexist: It's Offensive to Pretty Much Everyone
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1449409/
C) Get back to reading this post with an open mind
****WARNING*****
I could describe myself as a reformed feminist but I would rather say a "new" feminist. Now many will tag this as anti-feminist, be my guest, I won't stop you, agree or disagree, here is the response to my friend in regards to the book and the article.
I'll start off by saying when I was single, I sometimes wondered why. Was it a shortage of good man, was I too picky, crazy, not good looking enough, unapproachable?
Well, it's more like the latter, in a way. But there again, nothing new. What I never stopped to ask myself was: "What makes me unapproachable?" And "Why were all my relationships doomed?"
Now Steve Harvey will give you part of the story. The other parts, you'd have to start elsewhere. So let me say first before ANY woman looks into a relationship, she should start with getting her self-esteem on check where it needs to be. I recommend baggagereclaim.co.uk
by Natalie Lue, she rocks, that's all I have to say. Took me about a year and I'm still working on it sometimes but my self-esteem is much closer to what it should be.
I'm here to make you think before I voice out my opinion and I have 2 questions for you.
1) What is a woman?
Would I shock you if on top of the obvious for the genital parts, traits, reproductive capacity I added "the weaker sex"?
Of course, I would. (Well, I sure hope so), but there is a part of truth to it...
In all honesty (and given that I am a smart ass, this question only applies to heterosexual woman)
2) Do you want to perceive your man as "weaker" than you are?
Be honest...
There! You are now ready for what follows. Love it, hate it, that's my opinion and I stick by it.
"Who is Nico Lang?", I wondered after reading the article...well, he may not be the best guy to judge a book written for heterosexual women when he is gay and pro-feminist. Anyways, had to mention it because I believe it not only makes him bias but also the worst person to judge.
I'll quote his words:" [...]teach women that they need to lie, borrow and steal to get into a relationship[...]"...euh, Nico, did we read the same book?
I'll mostly steer away from the critic because I find it was clearly written by a pro-feminist who see anything less than women wanting to be equal to men as sexist.
If you go back to question one as to what is a woman, you will noticed I talked about the weaker sex but that is not true, lets call it the "gentle sex". Women are normally caring, nurturing, sweet, docile, and so mych more. Those characteristics should be seen as quality that most men do not possess. It's very simple, I want to spin this around...Since when is "old school" bad? Why does a woman MUST be or act like a man to be considered strong?
Refer to the books title, it says: "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", I think just that goes to say Mr. Harvey has nothing against strong, empowered women. In fact, the chapter "The Strong, Independent and Lonely Woman" is the one that spoke to me the most...I was PISSED!!!! Every feminist fiber of my being rebelled and yelled something along the lines of: "I will damn well stay alone, then".
I can tell pretty much the exact time my relationship with Hank had passed the point of no return. When I pretty much shoved it in his face how I did not see him as a man who could provide and how I took the man's place in the relationship. Yeah, I said it!!!! The.Man's.Place...
Something funny happened when I read the chapter again and thought to myself: "why not give it a try?" I was seeing Carl (remember him, lol) casually at the time and he was always the perfect gentleman, so I decided instead of fighting against it, say I'm picking up something and he offers to do it, I would let him...
W-O-W...I can't believe it was an "effort" for me to let a man do something for me...it kind of made me link my low-self esteem to feminism...why would letting a man take over make me seems weak or any less competent? I let him do and over the next few weeks, we were both happier and well, unfortunately it caused him to fall in love but that's another story. So yes, I agree, my man can take out the garbage, mow the lawn or whatever. If he's gone, I'll do it because I can, but while he's around, I can only see this as beneficial to both.
I will have to point that I disagree about not being able to talk or shop,with your man, that's stupid from Mr. Harvey. It's a non-negotiable standard I have. Plus I read it a few months back I forgot most of it. Putting your foot down is not manipulation, it's standing up for yourself and your standards as well as your boundaries, etc.
Now, a lot of us have forgotten what it's like to be a woman, sometimes because we chose the wrong mate. We MUST find a way to "let go" and let our man take charge sometimes. If you can't, ask yourself if you are with the right one. Easy to know what's going on, he'll be miserable if you don't take a step back sometimes
Some men are afraid of strong women altogether but most like a strong and independent woman so long as she loosens up around her man and is unafraid to let him lead. Most men even EXPECT you to be strong, in the end it's always the woman holding the family together and that what matters most. Just let it flow how it need to go.
In a nutshell, be strong, dose the independence AND remain feminine
